Saturday, February 18, 2012

D&D, it's kinda like...

The situation:
A party of 1st and 2nd level characters (ten PCs -- we run a big table) are attacked by surprise in the night by a very hostile Dire Boar (7 HD). (Thanks to the mercilessness of wilderness encounter tables.)

People are in trees, or failing to climb trees, or scattered around at negative HP on the ground after having been gored nearly to death. Dead ponies, bleating goats, and a broken wagon litter the campsite. Panic. Most of us don't have our weapons or armor handy. The artificer, Barrel, has at least managed to dump oil all over the thing.

At this point, Barrel turns desperately to our wizard, Raymond the Magnificent, who had earlier in the game blasted the hell out of a bar using acid and lightning spells, as part of his grand entrance.
Barrel: It's covered in oil!
Raymond the Magnificent: I can't do fire.
Barrel: You are the worst fucking magician. 
Dungeons & Dragons, folks.