Thursday, February 16, 2012

A letter from Bituminous Screed to the authorities in Raven Port, regarding taxes owed

To the Rght. Hon. Eek'k'rrrrk Krwee, from Screed:

While I can but humbly stand in awe of your Office's attention to fiduciary propriety, I would like to assure you that the six ravensmarks I have tendered in remittance of taxes is the proper amount. There are two circumstances of which you may not be aware, as the fledgling who took my report was, in the usual manner of the young, prone to falling asleep:

(1): While it is true that we entered a mausoleum in RS territory, it appears that the arcanists who built the structure were wont to avail themselves of the restorative mineral baths of the Spider Swamp, and had constructed a kind of Portal to convey them there more swiftly; we stumbled upon it by accident. The fame of these healing waters is, I assume, a matter of common knowledge, as a number of your Justiciars, kindly taking note of my struggles with the Lumbago, have repeatedly suggested I go there. In any event, all windfall profits after our Transportation were accrued out of RS territory.

(2) Two of our hardy compatriots, alas, did not survive. Mr. Barrea, a Gith-Yankee, vanished as we left the swamp; I suspect that the marsh gnomes, or "Gobblings" as I believe they are known in these parts, may have mistaken him for a Ferantic Veen, or perhaps some of the Gith-Jerseys his people are feuding with came upon him.  There was also some word of Dutch political machinations afoot, and he may have (as the saying goes) been "caught up in VanderDecken's wake." Poor Rev. Torgue's fate is sadly much clearer: he was slain outright when several of our group, not knowing the proper Spiritual Exercises, were occupied by disturbed Apparitions. I was able to free them by performing a standard ectoplasmic realignment -- a basic transluxation -- but by then it was too late for the Rev.; these things simply take time and care, and a crazed warrior with an axe is rather faster.

The reduction in our group's size thus increased my share -- not that that in any way makes up for the loss of our dear Friends! Again, however, this occurred outside RS borders.

With Respects,

Bituminous Screed, D.E., G.W. (Lic.)

PS -- For the benefit of travelers, you might like to know that the hilly region near the SSw is apparently infested by the Teratofactive Owl, which has been engaging in such unnatural acts as to give rise to bear-owl chimeras. I have heard that such are highly sensitive to the lesser salts of Tin, a small quantity of which I have available for Sale.