Saturday, February 18, 2012

D&D, it's kinda like...

The situation:
A party of 1st and 2nd level characters (ten PCs -- we run a big table) are attacked by surprise in the night by a very hostile Dire Boar (7 HD). (Thanks to the mercilessness of wilderness encounter tables.)

People are in trees, or failing to climb trees, or scattered around at negative HP on the ground after having been gored nearly to death. Dead ponies, bleating goats, and a broken wagon litter the campsite. Panic. Most of us don't have our weapons or armor handy. The artificer, Barrel, has at least managed to dump oil all over the thing.

At this point, Barrel turns desperately to our wizard, Raymond the Magnificent, who had earlier in the game blasted the hell out of a bar using acid and lightning spells, as part of his grand entrance.
Barrel: It's covered in oil!
Raymond the Magnificent: I can't do fire.
Barrel: You are the worst fucking magician. 
Dungeons & Dragons, folks.


  1. Awesome story! That's what I like about D&D. We have a cleric who can never turn SHIT and we rib him about it all the time.

  2. That's awesome. I mean the near-TPK obviously sucks, but it is still a wonderful moment.

  3. Also apparently my "google account" is Banana Noir, and I have a terrible time trying to prove Im not a robot for commenting.

    This is Drain.

  4. I must have missed this exchange while while trying to kill your character w/ the dire boar, Rich. Awesome.

    Oh, and Drain didn't play Tump. It was Du'an, the vow of poverty druid. ;-)

  5. Got the names fixed. It was actually Barrel (the artificer) who said this to Raymond. For some reason I typed in the wrong name, even though I was thinking of Barry (Barrel's player) when I typed this up.

    And yeah, no one actually died, if you can believe it, thanks to some very efficient healing from the druid Du'an and some perfectly timed use of a "Random Action" spell by Iqbal.

    Fun times. I try to cultivate a zen-like detachment from the ultimate fate of my characters (even when I love them dearly), so near TPKs and full TPKs never actually bother me. Plenty of years playing the DM role, watching NPCs fall before the blades of PCs, have hardened my cold little heart.


  6. We had a similar event back in the day where the DM (our high school math teacher) rolled for three wandering monster encounters in one night. Rather than do all three separate he combined them and had a bunch of 3rd and 4th level characters attacked by 3x the number Giant Stag Beetles. It was a TPK level event. As I recall it was our first run at Tegel Manor.

  7. Hilarious, and exactly why I love old school games. Played 4E and that laughing in the face of death and ineptitude was sorely missed.

  8. I actually had a real laugh about that, and that was probably the first time I have had a laugh about a blog post in weeks.

    Good show sir, and would love to hear more of the occasional brilliance that is table talk :).